For many people, the first moment that they heard the gospel was the most momentous event of their life. They can remember every detail and every word that was spoken. For many, these moments will be carried with them for the rest of their lives. It is a moment brought about by a rousing emotional conversion, marked by an altar call and a confession of Jesus as Lord. For me, this was never the case, it was never the reality of my call. This is simply the story of how God called a broken sinner out of darkness. This is His story.

Growing up, I had always heard about God, I knew all the stories and all the sayings. I knew that there was this magical God who created the world in 7 days and loved us. I knew this because I grew up in a Christian home. I grew up going to church, singing songs of praise, attending Sunday school classes and youth group events. I had heard it all, over and over and over again for most of my life. But the reality is that I simply didn’t care. I didn’t want anything to do with this God. I saw how Christians acted and saw the hypocrisy in their lives. I was my own god, ruling over my own life, doing whatever I wanted.

Soccer became my god, my idol. Everything I did was devoted to improving my abilities on the pitch. Whenever I stepped onto the pitch, I entered heaven. It was the only place in which I was able to find the peace that I chased after. For most of my life I have longed for an unattainable peace in order to some semblance of refuge from the deep dark pain which penetrated the very foundation of my being and identity. But no matter what I did, no matter how hard I worked nothing could give me that eternal peace which I so desperately sought after. And so, drugs and alcohol became my medication, it became my solace from the pain. With ever bottle and every pill I plunged deeper and deeper into the darkness that surrounded me.

Many Christians can trace their “conversion” to a speaker or some profound sermon which they received. For me, it wasn’t any speaker or anything some had said. Simply, it was a voice in the midst of chaos. Like most youth group students at a retreat, I was there to have fun, hang out and play games. I honestly could care less about the speaker or what he/she had to say. I was there to listen to good music and play basketball. But God had different plans. As the band blasted their music and teenagers yelled the lyrics to the songs and rushed to the front, I stood far in the back, cross armed thinking how pathetic it was that these people would fan over a band that didn’t even right their own songs. But in the midst of the chaos and deafening music I heard an audible whisper. It was unlike anything that I had ever heard or ever felt, as it sent shivers through ever bone in my body. I knew it couldn’t be anyone around me because they were all screaming and couldn’t hear a single thing. But this whisper pierced through the sounds, pierced through the chaos and pierced through the darkness that surrounded me. “Come to me and I shall give you rest. You have been running your whole life. Stop!” Upon hearing these words, I fell to my knees bitterly weeping as this unfathomable peace washed over me. It was as if a giant wall had crumbled as a tsunami’s wave crashes over it.

For years I had built up every wall I possibly could against God, keeping him at bay. With unrelenting force, God had finally broken through. I never wanted to be a Christian, I never wanted to have a God, I wanted control, I wanted the power. But with just a simply whisper in the wind, God was able to pierce that darkness that had surrounded my life for so long. The restoration and healing of Christ in our lives doesn’t happen overnight, it doesn’t happen in a quick-fire moment. It is a slow and painful process, clawing away to clear the debris from the wreckage. Like a light shining into a dark room, the healing power of Christ illuminated the hidden places of my heart. It illuminated and awakened a fire deep within my being that pushed me and drove to places I couldn’t even begin to imagine. But no matter what came my way, no matter what hardship, what chaos, what darkness that would surround me, the peace that I felt on that first night has never left. And that is the promise of God, that he will never leave nor forsake us. It is that promise that gives me peace in my life, it is that promise that fuels the fire in my soul, it is that promise, the promise of peace that has driven me out of darkness.